god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
