Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
