ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
last night I used snow as a chaser
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize