She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
