I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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