I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
