u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
