btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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