is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Text me some of your sweat
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So. Much. Porn.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
