Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
