Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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