she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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