I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
