Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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