i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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