Jerry, you need to find god
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
