dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
