I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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