I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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