I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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