This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
