i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
