Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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