I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
