fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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