halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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