...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
