If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
