At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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