you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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