the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
