to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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