I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This baby is an asshole
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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