So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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