dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
