Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
