Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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