Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
