took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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