I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
