I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
