my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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