My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
