This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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