Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
