Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
