Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
