the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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