At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
