wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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