You really coming over, don't trick.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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