I think I died a long time ago.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
organizing the empties. That sober.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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