I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
