I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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