im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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