Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I need moral support for this bender
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
