when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
