she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
