The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I wear drunk well.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
