I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
