I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
