so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
