she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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