Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
