I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
