we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
