Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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