Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
