Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
